My first time in Israel was back in 2018.
I don't have any direct Jewish roots on my family.
I did not know or understand nothing of the Modern State of Israel either the history of Jews.
Hello to everyone, my Christian name is Adriana, I was born and raised in Spain, in a Christian although not religious environment as in my family as in my school. Since I was a child I felt I’ve never fit in into the society in which I was raised. When I was at school, I absolutely felt that space was not the one I was supposed to be, a space in which I had to hide myself to fit, in which I felt pressured and denaturalized from my true essence to follow a pattern of life and conduct that won’t make any sense. As years go by, I finish school and directly jump into the College life. There I feel more free, but still the way that system approaches life and career in adulthood is something I feel not belonging to.
At my 20 years old I take the move to live abroad for the first time. That move of mine marks the beginning of a new life approach that will allow me to get rid of imposed fears since I was a child in school until adult life society that was surrounding me back to Spain, in my ‘origin’. In that first year abroad at only the age of 21 years old, I already face to travel alone to new countries, to work for an international organization in Europe, the European Union, make friends of all Europe, and go through terrorism.
In that year abroad, I realize I absolutely don’t belong to my origin. Is the first time I live outside of Spain, and notice how little do I connect with the mentality of that country, when I already match better with the city of Brussels, where I spend my first year abroad. I also realize how little sense make the imposed way my College back in Spain imposes people how to study and get professional experience to get graduated, leaving low to almost 0 space for individual freedom to explore and chose interests and ways to develop professionally that align with those interests and passions.
Back to Spain, I have to fight more than before, because after my first time abroad I realize I am made for more things in life than the ones that environment I came from made me believe, but I still don’t know what exactly is. So I decide to keep explore the world, I volunteer for almost half a year in a Favela in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, with children in risk of social exclusion living under conditions of extreme poverty. Then I move to the US for a quick but intense period of work during the summer, and it is in that moment when I met a girl who talk to me about Israel for the first time, very positively.
I’ve always believed because of media, that country was dangerous and in war so never thought to visit. But then I start researching and the city of Tel Aviv looks modern, developed and fun. It attracts my attention even through Google first sight, so I decide to explore the area after my summer in the US.
First time in Israel. November 2018.
That marks my first move abroad in which I don’t move through any institution or organization such Universities or Volunteering organizations, but I just pack my staff and move there. That place changes my life since the very first moment I am there. I remember when I landed to Israel, I felt I was a complete foreigner to the place, and felt completely culturally shocked. Never saw a Jew in my life. Suddenly saw many of them walking through the Airport with their hats and suits. Also, when I first took the train to the city of Tel Aviv, encounter so many people wearing Army suits and carrying guns. But that was not all. I was shocked by the spicy taste of the food, and the Eastern melodies and rhythms of the Israeli music. By the physical aspect of people, and the very unknown language for me: the Hebrew.
“My first time in Tel Aviv, I’ve already felt an energy of belonging, of being home”
Even If I was completely shocked and nothing felt familiar culturally speaking at first, since the very first time I stepped for a walk into the city of Yaffo, I already felt a special energy, of being home that never felt before in any other of the many countries I was traveled or lived in for a period of time, neither my origin. My first time in Tel Aviv, I felt an energy of belonging, of home.
I could not understand why I was feeling like that, but the feeling was so pleasant and liberating, after so many years of not belonging and not fitting in any place I was, that I only felt happy to have found that very personal oasis of belonging.
Everyone I met felt like a free person, showing him/herself freely as well. I freed myself from prejudices, and fear of what others will think of, and start behaving as I felt I wanted to. The experience was very revealing, fulfilling, and the connexion with a place I barely knew something of, deep and true. Undescribable.
I started studying Hebrew in January 2019.
The feeling of being at my home was so strong that I had to start studying that completely unknown and barely spoken language in despite Jews. A very complex language as the reality of the State of Israel and the history of Jews. But my desire for communicating, understanding in that place was only increasing so I didn’t think it twice.
In 2019 I wanted to stay and settle in Israel, first time I felt that desire since I started traveling in 2015, but I couldn't do it.
I was not Jewish. I didn’t have direct Jewish family roots. Not a Rabbi certificate that could prove me to be a Jewish person. I was also not believing in God in that time. I was not caring in religion. Because I thought being Jew was about religion, which later on I will better understand that it wasn’t. I got disappointed to see a country wouldn’t accept me because of my religion. I will have to leave, but there won’t be a day I won’t miss the place during my time out of the country.
3 months later (May 2019) I am back to Israel.
“None of those difficulties made me quit”
The place that completely captures yourself – you can’t let go of her. So I bought my return ticket in the same years just few months later of my leaving, and achieved to spend a whole new period in that very special place of mine. One girl I met the first time I was in Israel, told one of my friends: that she never met anyone before that wanted so much to live in Israel (probably in spite of Jews, but in that case, they can just immigrate here). I had to give another chance, to continue, to keep going. That place felt like a life deep call, I couldn’t ignore. So kept going with studying hebrew. Still very upset because it is honestly a very tough language to learn from scratch and without Jewish background, but my passion for Israel and the connection with the place kept me going.
I was not only facing the challenge of wanting to settle into a place that had no other law of immigration than the one of being Jew without being one, but also the high prices of the place, one of the most expensive in the world, and the lack of knowledge of its Biblical complex language. None of those difficulties made me quit. I also start learning Tech skills, by absorbing the fact that they are a Tech capital, Leading in the world.
I felt so free and inspired to learn, to be entrepreneur, to explore new areas… that my love for Tel Aviv and Israel just keeps growing, but at that time, my Faith is still not awaken. I still not believe in God, I can’t think of anything spiritual attaching me with the Land.
Until the Pandemic I go to Israel 3 times spending a total of 8 months in a bit more than a year with only tourist visas
I literally can’t stop myself from returning to the holy land. Even if it’s a frustrating journey/process in which I cannot find the way for me to settle as a non Jew, the inner energy in within myself and the connection I feel with the place, keeps me moving forward, keeps me pushing, risking, taking flights to the Holy Land without grant of a permit to enter the country, but I always get rewarded with visas every time I try though.
2 years of Pandemic put the Israeli borders on hold and completely shut to foreigners
2 years out of the only Land where I ever felt home and authentically myself and connected are a real torture. I suffer terribly. I am waiting all that time to return. Never loss my hope. Those 2 years are even key to realize something else about myself that I couldn’t for some reason see or understand when I was going to Israel pre pandemic times.
“God answered me for the first time in my life”
When I was literally falling into despair because Israel was not opening borders, God answered me for the first time in my life, being Israel the one guiding me forward. Israel agreed during the Pandemic 2020 year, a peace agreement with the UAE. I’ve always wanted to visit Dubai, and now that was friends with Israel, and that was open for tourists in despite of the Pandemic, it felt the right time to go for it. That move started a new journey of mine through the Middle East, by living one of the dreams I realized I was having during my time in Israel: being a full time traveler.
By traveling the Arab world, and neighbouring countries of Israel, I could much better understand the reason for Israel to exist and the Jews. I have also witnessed for the first time in my life, Antisemitism first hand. My feeling for Israel intensified, as I started feeling my soul unifying in a pure natural way with that nation even if I was physically outside of it. I felt Israel was a voice inside of me, guiding me, that I was becoming Israel. That I was ending up in places such the Sinai, that belonged to Israel, without me looking for it, and that could only be Israel guiding me there, in other words, God, Hashem. The God of Jews, the Israelites.
A more stronger soul connection awaken inside of me, I started listening to religious Israeli songs, listening all the day hebrew, following the politics of the country… I even ended up in the Mount Sinai when I was traveling the Sinai, Egypt, the place where Moses took the Israelites when freeing them from Egytpian slavery, and where they received the Torah.
Could that be only myself? How from not knowing nothing about Israel, I went there, feel the strongest and purest connection of my entire life, as my spirit was recognizing it as my true home, ending up all time in the most holy sites, like Jersualem, the Tomb of Prophets in Hebron, or the Mount Sinai in Egypt?ed
4th time in Israel after the pandemic: the spiritual awakening.
Acknowledging Hashem and my inner Jewish soul.
It is only in my 4th time in Israel, when just entering the country of Israel, my soul starts elevating. I start feeling that the dimension I live in is another, closer to the Divine. Smells are pure and intense, colors are more intense and the clouds of the sky feel touching the houses of the city of Tel Aviv. My soul suddenly becomes very light, as if I just cleaned all the unnecessary baggage I was carrying my whole existence that was not me.
“I suddenly found myself in the authentic and only perfect Divine Soul Alignment.”
I’ve gotten rid of my social media account with majority of Antisemite Arabs, I leave behind old fights of mine, because I suddenly found myself in the authentic and only perfect Divine Soul Alignment. I am at God’s home, at Hashem Resting and communicating place, surrounded with all His Children, the Jews, that are suddenly my brothers and sisters, as I am acknowledging I am also a children of His God.
How if not, will I explain that first sight deep pure connection with the land of Israel, and an inner instinct of settling in Israel when I was always needing to travel and moving to different places all the prior years of my life?
How to explain that perfect feeling of complete belonging to a place, when not even in my origin I ever felt like that but all the contrary, I always felt in a struggle with my environment, starting with my parents lifestyle, approaches and atitudes, to my extended family approaches and beliefs, to the society mindset in general and the system including the educational one?
A natural, true force awakes in within me and pushes me to start practicing the Judaism to achieve even higher contact with the Divine and major full alignment in spirit and in the material circumstance, as Israel keeps being the Jewish Home.
My start of Judaism Practice
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I have not being raised on a Jewish environment. Not know anything about Jews. Not even have a spiritual side awaken before landing to Israel. But there were too many signals throughout my personal journey since I physically and spiritually know Israel, that I couldn’t doubt myself more about having a Jewish soul in between my bones and skin.I had to get rid of the weight of the tags society put on my since I was born, and the beliefs that roots could determine who I was. My roots were not me. I was a Jew who didn’t know was a Jew since her 27 years old. 27 years trapped in a life that didn’t allow Me to find My truth, and that was holding my back to ideas, mindsets , places and Faiths which never truly resonate with my true soul. But it was just a matter of time to discover that. When I’ve found myself in the opposite side of My truth (while traveling the Arab world in 2021) after visiting Israel (2018,2019 &2020) and after a voice Told me once while I was visiting the Sinai, that I was not following up my true life purpose, the one to which I was born for, I will then get back to the Holy Land and finally encounter my spiritual truth.
I was a Jew. Dying to settle into my ancestral home. I only felt soul connected with Israel after years of struggle trying to find myself but being unable. It was time to start learning the prayers in Hebrew, visiting the Synagogue, keeping Chametz out during the Pesaj time, and absorb all the spiritual truths that were awakening in within myself when physically at the home of her God. Hashem. I was never believing because society only introduced her Christian God, but my soul was not belonging to that God either. i was much more connected and open to Him, as all Jews are, that was the reason for God to choose them: to be His messangers to the rest of the World. None else, in spite Jews, can connect with the same strength with God. Whether people like it or not, is not a matter of human choice or liking it or not, it is and was God’s willing, and that is the one that prevails and reign the Earthy dimension of all humans.
People hate Jews because hate God’s prevailing upon their willingness. For that reason, they will never find peace in within them
A spiritual Return, for a fully complete physical Return to the Land of Israel
If the Land of Jews is Israel, and for it their Law reducing the settling option for Jewish Souls, one who was born as ‘Christian’ who never found herself attained in within the scopes of that Faith and God, and awakes in within her spirit the connection to the Jewish God, and a real feeling of spiritual connection and belonging with Jews and Israel, must first go through a process of Spiritual return.
Spriitual Return/ Awakening
This is a process, in my case I was not looking for it to happen at least not in a conscious way, but that somehow reached me. When you experience a spiritual awakening or return, you suddenly feel a soul elevation, that your soul becomes pure and light, nothing bothers you, you’re not carrying the weight of nothing unrelated to the purity of your soul or essence.
“You suddenly feel a soul elevation, that your soul becomes pure and light, nothing bothers you, you’re not carrying the weight of nothing unrelated to the purity of your soul or essence”
Let’s say that in our dimension there’s two sides: the material and the spiritual side. Most of people who are not awaken enough, live their lives restricted into the materialistic area, composed by things such as the money, the system, the judgment of others by the appearance, the body, and the need to fit in into the terrenal non pure authentic reality in which people are usually moved by the corrupted emotions like jealous, hate..
Then theres the spiritual side of our dimension, the one the prevails, the one from which Love emerges from, than see beyond what eyes perceive, the one from which peace is made a composed from, the one that makes life a miracle, humans children of the Divine, carrying a soul that connects them with that higher dimension that the one their bodies are attained to.
When you awake, life gives a turn around, because you suddenly start seeing beyond your eyes, you become a more aware and ready receptor of the worlds essence. You don’t only see or sense the materialistic aspects that compose it, but the soul that is within that materialistic expression of the Earthy reality. When you awake, you can feel the perfect interconnection and harmony in between all the beings that compose the Universe. Instead of seeing a bird, as a bird, separated from a human, or a tree, and even see yourself as separate human to the rest of humans, the vision elevates a whole never upper approach. In which a bird is the same as a tree, and every human is interconnected with the rest of humans, and birds and trees and beings. Because they are all creatures, materialistic representations of God, that are inhabitating a soul that is their receptor with the Divine. Only God can be separated from the rest of things, but at the same time only God can unify all those species, alive beings, and all the innert objects into the same thing.
The sense of complete, authentic unification only can exist as long as God holds it all at the same time in the Eternal.
This is a spiritual awakening. You sense people not for their physic which you of course still can sense through your eyes, but when you elevate, you feel you can smell the soul.
“The sense of complete, authentic unification only can exist as long as God holds it all at the same time in the Eternal”.
In my 4th experience in Israel, I started becoming a strong receptor of God, Hashem, in His eternal Home I was feeling to be chosen to receive His message with a strength I never felt inside the Christian faith. I also started receiving the signal of the Jewish souls as interconnected souls as Children of Hashem, through a sudden awaken of a strange yet only possible to be related to the spiritual awakening, increase of intensity of the smells. I felt Jews were sending an aroma of purity I’ve never sense before in my life. All of them, were sending to my soul the same sense of purity. The same intense smell of purity, of authenticity, as a piece of God inhabiting in them, and in me, so I was receiving the strong signal, sensing the smell of the Divine was only making me want to cry of emotion, because I was not only witnessing the purity of their souls, but my authentic belonging into them. The reason I was always looking for since I arrived to Israel 2018, the Why I’ve always wanted to be back to Israel, and felt so strongly connected if I didn’t have Jewish family or known direct roots.
It took me 27 years of life,
7 years of awakening of not belonging in my origin,
and 3. years and a half of exploring into myself through my connection to Israel to
understand that I was Jewish in my soul.
I’ve found God in the city of Tel Aviv, as I’ve found it in the city of Jerusalem, in the Western Wall, as I’ve found it through the Jewish People. I’ve never known Him in the Christianity, I’ve never found Him anywhere in my origin, not in a Divine Church, not through the endless Christians (either religious or non religious) who have surrounded me my entire life since I was born. I’ve never felt any spiritual elevation in myself. I’ve never felt either a materialistic connection with a Land until I arrived to Israel. I’ve never belonged anywhere despite Israel.
“I of course have to cry so much, let it go of the pain I have suffered all my life trying to find my true self without success, swimming against the current, fighting against systems that were holding me wrong, living life without the sense of purpose, without the Light “
I of course have to cry so much, let it go of the pain I have suffered all my life trying to find my true self without success, swimming against the current, fighting against systems that were holding me wrong, living life without the sense of purpose, without the Light. In a struggle with myself, with my family, my roots, my environment mentality. Holding in within me so many misconceptions of who I was. Without knowing who I was. Being judged endless times. Being the Black Sheep. Either in School. Either in College. Either in my family. Feeling there was something wrong in myself so many times, but the only thing that was wrong is the fact that I was not living in within my real self, that I still didn’t discovered my Truth. My God. My People. My Land.
I had to ask God why He made me born in the wrong place and faith.
For me it would have been very easy to settle in Israel if I was only born Jew or in a Jewish Family. Not to say if I was born in Israel. Why did God made me a Jew in a Family of non Jews living in a foreign Land of His? The struggle has been so hard. And it is still. Because I couldn’t settle to Israel yet, and first I had to embark into an spiritual return of who I have always been without knowing it, because the external context and circumstance had that part of me unawaken. That return is being, and still is, a very lonely journey, in which I felt lost, scared, and had to confront so much by myself. So I had to ask God, why to make go through this tough fight within myself and life?
From the other hand, the fact to be born Christian and awake a true Jewish soul is a unqiue journey because you had the chance to sense both realities worlds, the one you came from, the one you are destinated to get to.
Because this simple fact shows you, proves you, how we are very wrongly entitled to lives, beliefs, faiths that doesn’t necessarily fit in within ourselves. And also, given the case that have never fit in since I was a child, finally being able to envision and understand the why, is a strong point in life to connect the dots of your true self and purpose, as scary as it could be, the discovery of a new born you is such an exciting journey, and having experience the suffering and the lack of belonging feeling, finding at the end all the contrary is such a pleasant feeling, that words can’t really help to describe. One has to go through it to understand. If I was born where I was supposed to, belonging and fitting in since always, I wouldn’t give those things the value I am currently giving to them, I may have lost the purpose, the enlightment. Maybe my story can serve to the rest of Jews who have lost the Faith in God. Or even the feeling of belonging to Israel. So they witness how a difficult struggle is to be born non Jew in order to become part of the unique holy land of the World.
Jews need to be aware of the unique gift God have entitled them with, and be joyful for it to be theirs, in despite of all the struggles that all that has and still is causing to them. But we’re here to keep striving for our reason to exist.
If you are a Jew born value it. If you are entitled to live in Israel, value it. They are for sure very unique things only Jews have. xxx
